We've examined in previous posts what forgiveness is, the way in which it operates and the conditions that apply. To complete this study, although there are several other facets we might delve into, we want to look at the "How and the Why of Forgiveness" (in this post) and then next time to consider a warning to any who may be disinclined to forgive others in the way that we have examined.
1. How should I forgive someone else?
We saw earlier two important texts that need to guide our answer to this question:
Ephesians 4:30-32 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Colossians 3:12-15 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
It is clear from the underlined sections in each text that we are to forgive in the same way God has forgiven us. We included some of the context for the underlined phrases above, because it is helpful to set the tone for the appeal in each case.
In the Ephesians passage, we are instructed to put away all the elements that often feature in the enmity and alienation that are provoked when someone sins against us - bitterness (sharp, intense resentment), wrath (fury, intense anger, passionate outbursts), anger (a word meaning wrath and fury, used in conjunction with the word translated "wrath" here to heighten the intensity of what is expressed), clamor (loud screaming or shouting), slander (the same word is used of blasphemy against God - to speak against someone in such a way as to harm or injure his or her reputation), malice (a feeling of hostility and strong dislike, with a possible implication of desiring to do harm—‘hateful feeling.’). Paul indicates that such attitudes, thoughts and desires grieve the Holy Spirit, Who dwells within every true child of God (v. 30).
How are these things to be put away from us? First by being kind to one another (this word actually means fit for purpose, good, useful - and therefore here it implies we should be what a Christian ought to be, in contrast to exhibiting the characteristics of enmity listed before) and tenderhearted (affectionate and compassionate). These virtues will be expressed in our lives through forgiveness, which will cancel the debt of sin and eliminate the enmity and alienation with all its evil characteristics.
Note, though, that Paul says this is exactly how God has dealt with us in Christ. It was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). It was while our hearts were overflowing with bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander and malice against God that He was kind and tenderhearted to us, granted us repentance and faith in Christ and forgave our many grievous sins against Him, thus canceling our debt to Him and removing the hostility and enmity from our hearts. Whatever we see in God's forgiveness of us, we are to imitate by His grace in our forgiveness of others.
Turning to the Colossians passage, Paul comes to the same conclusion by a slightly different path. First, he reminds us of our standing in Christ - chosen by God, set apart to Him (holy) and beloved by Him. Since this is what we are, Paul tells us that we need to put on the characteristics that belong to such a standing. The first two in the list that follows are hearts of compassion and kindness, which he also urges upon the Ephesian believers above. Here, though, He expands the list of virtues to include humility (lowliness of mind), and meekness (gentleness and selflessness). Note that the Greek words here for "humility" and "meekness" are from the same roots as those Christ used to describe Himself as "gentle" and "lowly" in heart in Matt 11:29. Finally, we are to put on patience (literally, to be "long-tempered"). We are to endure one another and in the event of complaints against each other, we are to forgive each other, says Paul, and then underlines that we are to do so "as the Lord has forgiven" us. Finally, as the crowning virtue, Paul urges us to put on love, which binds everything together, and to let Christ's peace rule in every heart in His Body, the church.
Paul effectively gives us in these two passages the list of characteristics we are to cast away, and of the virtues we are to embrace so that we can forgive one another as God forgave us. Note also the mention of the indwelling of the Spirit in the Ephesians passage, and the need not to grieve Him. Note, also, that His fruit consists in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control (Galatians 5:22), and that most of these spiritual fruits are mentioned here as being present in a believer and a body where true forgiveness is practiced. We may infer that the grace to forgive as God forgives is worked in us by His Spirit, and the less we grieve or quench Him, the more we will be able to truly forgive.
Paul also invites us to consider how God forgave us so that we may model our forgiveness after that pattern. We have already touched upon some of the characteristics of God's forgiveness in previous studies, but here is a list to stimulate our thinking in this regard. God forgave His children:
- Freely - it cost Him the life of His one and only Son, but it is offered at no cost to all who will believe. Likewise, there can be no strings attached to our forgiveness of others.
- Fully - There is nothing left of our sin-debt to God when it is wiped out through the blood of Christ. All our sins, past, present and future are blotted out in Christ! Similarly, we are not to forgive in part the sins committed against us, and hold back forgiveness for other parts.
- Forgetfully - God will never take the sins of His children into account against them. He even says that He will remember them no more. We saw from 1 Corinthians 13:5 that love keeps no record of wrongs. If we continue to take someone's offences against us into account in our dealings with them, then we have not truly forgiven them, no matter what we may say.
- Lovingly - God's love for us is on dazzling display in the outworking of His plan to redeem us from sin by the sacrifice of Christ at Calvary. "Greater love has no-one than this, that they lay down their life for their friends". We need, like God, to have a heart that is full of forgiveness, and like the father of the Prodigal son, we should stand ready to forgive in an instant those who come to us in repentance.
- Compassionately - He felt pity for us, seeing we were enslaved to our sin and justly condemned for it. We could not free ourselves, so He set out to free us. We must have compassion for the plight of those who are ensnared in sin, and to seek reconciliation through repentance and forgiveness also, but not from a position of superiority and condescension, seeing that we, too, were miserable wretches when God had compassion on us.
- Patiently - We are still prone to wander from Him and to return to the very sins He sent Christ to save us from. But if we confess our sins, He is faithful to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. He will never give up on us. Neither may we give up on our brothers and sisters who sin against us. Even if they sin 7 times a day but each time come to us and repent, we "must" forgive them, says Jesus in Luke 17:3-4.
- We will leave the reader to add to this list - it's a profitable study!
2. Why Should I forgive someone else?
There are many reasons why we ought to forgive others, not the least of which is that God has dealt graciously and kindly in forgiving us for our much greater offences against Him. There is one overarching motivation here that it is worth bearing in mind, though, and we have mentioned it previously in passing:
We exist entirely for the glory of God, and everything we do is to have His glory as the primary motivation:
1 Corinthians 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
1 Peter 4:10-11 As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: 11 whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.
We may ask, "How God is glorified when we forgive others?" We referred earlier in this series to the expression, "To err is human, to forgive, Divine". If we consider what underlies true forgiveness, it is nothing less than a demonstration of the heart and the character of God. That is why Paul tells the Ephesians and Colossians above to put off ungodly attitudes and behaviors and to put on those that Christ owned as His own (humility and meekness) and to evidence in their lives the fruit of the Spirit Who lives in them, out of which it is inevitable that there will be a spirit of true, heartfelt forgiveness at work between the members of the church. We will be imitating our God and our Father because of the new life He has caused to be created in us. All who look at us in our forgiveness will see something of the heart and the character of our God and in this, He will have glory!
Let's pay attention to Paul's advice in this passage, and cultivate the fruit of the Spirit in our lives, while rejecting the rotten and corrupt fruit of our sinful natures. Then, among many other good things, we will have hearts more like God's, full of readiness and willingness to forgive others for His glory!
